


'cause you brought out the best of me (a part of me i'd never seen)

by debonairnightmare



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, I Am Committing A Felony, M/M, Resurrection, The Gangs All Here, i am using very loose dnd mechanics do not yell at me, i have been given Teahaw content and i am Thriving, i know exactly what rules i am breaking, i might write some in, the discord yelled at me for this i hope youre happy guys, there could be a few other relationships? idk man
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-25
Updated: 2020-07-29
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:41:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25502275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/debonairnightmare/pseuds/debonairnightmare
Summary: Before Fjord knew how to do anything else, he knew how to swim.He was born on the Menagerie Coast, going down to the beach whenever he could sneak away from the orphanage and working as a sailor as soon as he turned 18.As he followed Beau down through the tunnel entrance, his limbs cutting through the water, he prayed that his lifetime of swimming would be enough.
Relationships: Caduceus Clay & Fjord, Caduceus Clay/Fjord, Fjord & Beauregard Lionett, Fjord & Yasha (Critical Role)
Comments: 41
Kudos: 156





	1. 'cause if i could see your face once more

**Author's Note:**

> haha suffer

Before Fjord knew how to do anything else, he knew how to swim.

He was born on the Menagerie Coast, going down to the beach whenever he could sneak away from the orphanage and working as a sailor as soon as he turned 18.

As he followed Beau down through the tunnel entrance, his limbs cutting through the water, he prayed that his lifetime of swimming would be enough.  He fought off Vokodo as the creature attempted to worm its way into his mind, preoccupied by fear and anger and pure desperation.

Pushing past the rest of the group into the tunnels (maybe they thought he had been possessed by Vokodo as well, but Fjord didn’t have the time or heart to care), Fjord swam the way he remembered Caduceus was heading, pausing when he reached a crossroads.

He had heard somewhere that if you always take the left in mazes, eventually you reach the center. As he turned to follow the left path, he hoped that was true.

He swam as fast as he could, growling when he reached a dead end and turning around to see Beau, who was following him.

“Come on,” she grabbed his shoulder, her face twisted into something resembling sympathy, “We can follow Yasha and Caleb. They’re not too far ahead.”

Fjord nodded, “Thank you.”

He pushed off the wall, launching himself back the way he came.

When they got back to the crossroads, Beau pointed to his left, “They went this way. Jester, Veth and Vilya are following them.”

Fjord gave Beau a tight smile, “Alright.” They set off again, catching up to Veth first.

“You took your sweet time!”

“N-Veth, please-” Fjord did not have time for this.

“Alright, alright! They went that way.” Not waiting for any further information, he followed the direction Veth had pointed.

Soon enough, he caught a glimpse of vines rounding a corner just ahead. Swimming faster, Fjord propelled himself forward until he was keeping pace with Vilya and Jester.

“Hi, Fjord!” Fjord definitely wasn’t as insightful as Cad, but even he could see Jester’s cheery demeanor was strained.

“Hello, Jester. Which way did Yasha and Caleb go?”

“Uh, forward and then take a left.”

“Thank you.” And he swam forward, turning where Jester had directed him, and soon enough ( _ not soon enough _ ) he saw a large black boot disappear around the corner.  _ Yasha _ .

Quickening his pace to the point where he could barely breathe anymore, Fjord kicked furiously until he was neck in neck with Yasha, who was a few feet ahead of Caleb.

Keeping pace, he turned when Yasha did, following her lead through the torch blooms and tunnels. After a minute or so, he heard a faint explosion in the distance.

“ _ Caduceus?! _ ” Fjord yelled, his arms and legs a blur, he  _ had  _ to get there. Fuck Vokodo, fuck this island.

He heard a shout coming from the same direction, but he couldn’t quite make out the words, “ _ Shit. _ ”

He strained his ears, listening for another indication of  _ anything  _ that might be Caduceus.

There. Another sound.

Fjord pulled ahead of Yasha, pinpointing the source of the noise and using everything he had in him to get there. To get to Caduceus.

The torch blooms shook from the current as Fjord swam past, racing through the tunnels, only slowing to relocate where the battlefield was, and then picking up his pace again.

Left, right, straight, right, straight, right, left.

The entrance to the Vokodo’s main chamber.

Without a second thought, Fjord swam towards the torch blooms, the plants parting when he neared them.

***

When Fjord entered the chamber, the first thing he registered was how hot the water was. The second was that Caduceus was nowhere to be seen, but after a few seconds, the cleric popped into view 15 feet to his left, hugging the walls.

As Caduceus saw him, he gave Fjord a relieved, if slightly bloodied, smile as he shot a bolt of bright green energy from his staff, lighting up the creature in the middle of the room.

It wasn’t the first time that Fjord had been face to face with Vokodo, but he certainly hoped it would be the last. The creature was big, with tentacles protruding from the bottom of its body. Two bright, beady eyes were set into its face, a beak in between them. Fjord shuddered, but before he could get an attack in, an inky tentacle whipped out, striking the water next to him as Fjord yelped and ducked.

Summoning the Star Razor, Fjord swam up a little higher in the chamber, slipping easily into combat mode. Raising his hand, he fired off three eldritch blasts at the beast, two of them finding their mark. The second blast hit a piece of rock beside Vokodo, effectively disintegrating it, but the last one hit the creature’s face, and it let out a horrible screech.

Caduceus, wincing from the sound, pointed his staff at the creature again, but this time the energy was a sickly olive green, meant to weaken the target. So it used strength based attacks. Good to know.

Unfortunately, Fjord thought as it turned back to Caduceus, that didn’t seem to be all it had. As it moved forward, a crackling bolt of lightning shot out from its body, striking Caduceus and the wall behind him. The cleric’s body seized for a moment, shaking with the electricity before relaxing, and Fjord sighed in relief as the singed firbolg began to swim back up to where he was.

Reassured of Caduceus’ safety, Fjord focused back on Vokodo, spinning the Star Razor before firing another three eldritch blasts at it, another two finding home in the monster’s body. 

Then something strange happened.

The third eldritch blast stopped in the water beside Vokodo for a moment before hurtling back at Fjord, knocking the wind out of him as it hit him square in the chest.

“What the fuck,” he whispered, staring at the sea creature.

Below Fjord, a blue and brown shape rocketed through the water and stopped in front of Vokodo, “Hey, ugly!” Beau shouted as she came to a halt, Fjord huffed a laugh. Vokodo barely had time to register she was there before it was being peppered with right hooks and water dropkicks. Before Fjord could fire off another volley of eldritch blasts, a fiery line came streaking from the cave entrance, burning Vokodo. Beside the fire was Yasha, swimming with the Magician’s Judge in hand towards the sea creature, stopping and readying her weapon in front of the beast just as a small volley of crossbow bolts flew out from behind a stalactite. Thank fuck.

With another deafening screech, Vokodo looked down at Beau, snapping at her with its beak and lashing out at Yasha with the tentacles. Beau dodged the beak easily, but Yasha was not so lucky, being encircled by the monstrosity’s appendages. Caduceus shot another bolt out of his staff, lighting up Vokodo again, and Fjord swam towards the creature, slashing it with the Star Razor. The water around him coloured a deep green, but Vokodo held on.

Another bolt of lightning shot across the cavern, this time it was not Vokodo’s though. Vilya stepped into the cavern, “You took my family from me.” She said, the picture of a calm fury, striding into the cavern. On her tail was Jester.

“Holy  _ fuck _ , you guys!” Jester panted, swimming into the chamber and summoning her spectral lollipop, her duplicate moving towards Beau, who was whaling on the tentacle holding Yasha.

Yasha, on the other hand, didn’t seem to need much help; she braced herself against the slimy-looking tentacle, forcing her way out and glaring at Vokodo, her muscles bulging. Another sickly green ray shot across the cavern, darkening the water around it. Unfortunately, Vokodo saw it coming, and dodged out of the way. The ray changed its arc in midair, spiralling back around towards Yasha, who ducked her head as it impacted with the rock behind her, turning it a greyish colour and causing some dust to float out into the water as another crossbow bolt stuck into the beast, embedding itself in its eyeball.

Vokodo looked rough; crossbow bolts peppering his body, some of its eyes were swollen shut from Beau’s nonstop bludgeoning, and half of its surface area was burned from the combination of the fire and lightning. They might actually be able to kill this thing.

_ Green one,  _ a voice sounded inside his head. He blinked, trying to get rid of it, but Vokodo pressed on,  _ the pink one is quite the inconvenience. _

_ Kill him for me. _

It seemed important that Fjord listened.

***

Fjord gripped the Star Razor, kicking towards Caduceus.

Caduceus turned to him. Fjord could see something glittering in his hand.

It didn’t matter now.

He grabbed Caduceus by the shoulder, holding him in place. 

Caduceus’ hand cupped Fjord’s cheek, something grainy and small and sharp held in it. Fjord saw Caduceus’ lips moving, but he couldn’t follow what he was saying.

Fjord ran him through as the diamond dust evaporated in the current, and the water around them began to cloud with red.

***

Fjord’s mind clears to the sight of Caduceus impaled on his sword. Blood trickles from his mouth, turning the water around him foggy, his eyes half-shut.

“Caduceus,” Fjord chokes out, touching his face, running his thumb over Caduceus’ cheekbone, pushing all the divine energy he can gather into the touch. Caduceus floats limp in the water, the sword through his abdomen the only thing holding him in place. His sword.

Fjord vomits a little in his mouth.

As gently as he can, Fjord removes the sword from Caduceus’ body, and the moment it’s out, the water around them is stained crimson. Fjord looks back at Vokodo, occupied with Vilya, Beau, and Yasha all hurling their entire arsenals at him, the water around them getting close to scalding temperature.

Fjord swims towards Vokodo, blind to the battle raging around him.

He stops in front of the bloodied island god, gripping the Star Razor so tight his knuckles are yellow, blood pounding in his head and the taste of vomit in his mouth. Vokodo turns away from the others to face Fjord. 

Fjord lets himself float closer. Vokodo could easily snap him up with his beak if he wanted to, now, but he looks almost curious.

“How’s this for a present?” Fjord stabs him through his ugly fucking face. 

The scream that follows is cut short, but it is quite possibly the loudest thing he’s ever heard. He can see Beau beside him is pressing her hands to her ears, the rest of the party is probably doing the same, wherever they are.

Once the creature goes limp, beginning to float to the bottom of the chamber, Fjord wrenches his sword out of its beak, unsummoning it before swimming over to Caduceus. 

Drifting down towards the torch blooms, he would look almost ethereal were it not for the gaping stab wound in his abdomen and the red in the water around him. Fjord reaches out, touching Caduceus’ hand. It’s warm, but so is the water around them. It’s comforting anyway. Like there’s still life in him.

Like he didn’t just kill his cleric.

He pulls Caduceus in, clutching the skinny firbolg to his chest like a lifeline. He swims down the grab Caduceus’ staff, and it’s a little awkward carrying both of them, but he can at least do this for Caduceus, if he can’t fucking do anything else.

He swims back up towards the Nein, Beau turns to greet him, pure, unadulterated glee in her eyes, “We sure fucking beat that assho- Oh, shit,” she swims over to Fjord, “Jester!” She yells over her shoulder, gently taking Caduceus’ staff from Fjord and strapping it across her back next to her own.

“What is it?” Jester’s voice chirps across the chamber, her head poking out from behind Yasha’s shoulder. Beau looks back at her and waves her over, eyes darting between the approaching cleric and Fjord.

“Is he-” Beau cuts herself off halfway through the sentence. Fjord knows what she meant.

He nods.

“Shit, man. Uh. Jester, do you have revivify prepared?!” Beau stares down at Caduceus (Caduceus’  _ body _ ), looking at the stab wound and slowly back up at Fjord. Fjord holds Caduceus a little tighter.

Jester swims closer, “I don’t have it today, but Caduceus-” She stops, floating in the water ten feet away, “Oh, no.” She whispers, pressing her hand to her mouth.

Caleb comes up behind her, quickly putting together the situation, “Uh, let’s get him up to the beach, ja?” He asks softly, brows furrowing. Fjord begins to kick up towards the tunnel that will take them up to the pool.

Caleb takes the lead, retracing every turn they took on their way in. When they get back up to the pool, the saltwater stinging his cuts is a welcome, grounding sensation. They resurface, swimming towards the geyser.

Fjord knows he doesn’t have to keep Caduceus’ head above water. He knows he doesn’t need to breathe.

He does it anyway.

When they reach the geyser, Jester parts the water again, and they all go through onto the rocks. They walk back onto the beach, the afternoon sun hits Fjord’s face, drying the water and blood and sand, and it’s only then that Fjord realizes that he is crying.

He puts Caduceus down a little ways past the rocks. He never was a big fan of the sea. Fjord wishes he’d had the time to make him one.

He kneels down, easing Caduceus out of his arms and onto the warm sand like he was made of porcelain. Fjord sits there for a moment, staring at the ugly wound in Caduceus’ stomach.

Fjord had done that.

He had been so fucking worried about the tunnels and Vokodo, but in the end, Fjord was the one that killed his cleric.

He stood up, summoning the Star Razor,  _ Galas’var _ , and striding across the beach and away from the body that was not Caduceus anymore. He stopped a few feet from the water. He could feel his tears making hot tracks through the blood and grime on his face that the swim back had not cleaned off. He looked at the blade in his hands, the familiar hilt and pommel. Everything about this sword reminded Fjord of Caduceus. Caduceus who had gathered the parts of this priceless blade to be reforged. Caduceus who convinced the whole party to trek up a mountain and fight a white dragon because Fjord needed a weapon. Caduceus who had given this sword to him, bringing him into Melora’s light.

Caduceus whose blood was now drying in the carved runes.

Fjord pulls back his arm, and throws the Star Razor into the ocean. He watches as it sinks beneath the waves. Fjord knows he can summon it back whenever he wants to, and the thought makes the blood on his hands seem a little darker.

Fjord sinks to his knees in front of the ocean and cries.

After a few minutes, Fjord feels a gentle touch on his back. He cranes his neck, looking up behind him. It’s Yasha. She sits down next to him, pulling her knees to her chest and resting her chin on them.

“It feels like your heart is being ripped out of your body,” her soft voice is nearly drowned out by the waves crashing against the surf. Fjord stares at her. She looks back, her mismatched eyes shiny with unshed tears. 

Fjord turns back to the ocean, crossing his legs and leaning forward. He barks a laugh, but there’s no humour in it, “I killed him Yasha,” his voice breaks, “That fucking- that  _ asshole _ told me to and I couldn’t stop myself and now he’s dead.”

They sat in silence for a while- Fjord’s not sure exactly how long- before he heard Jester’s shriek from across the beach, and then fast approaching footsteps from behind, kicking sand in he and Yasha’s faces as they turn and stand up.

“Fjord! Yasha! Oh my GODS, you guys!” Jester exclaimed, sliding to a halt in front of them.

“What is it, Jester?” Yasha asked, sounding tired. They all were.

“You guys! I can do a ritual!”

Yasha and Fjord looked at each other, “A ritual for what?”

Jester gave them a small, hopeful smile, “For Caduceus.”


	2. i could die as a happy man i'm sure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> does jester actually know what the fuck she's doing? let's find out!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here it is!! as promised, within 24 hours of posting the first chapter. i am a person of my word.

Fjord’s breath hitched for a second, “You mean you might be able to…”

Jester’s eyes shone, “Yeah. It’s kind of expensive, but Veth grabbed some stuff on the way out of Vokodo’s lair,”  _ Of course she did,  _ “so we might actually be able to afford it!”

“How do you- you know… ?” Fjord makes a vague gesture with his hand.

“Come on! I’ll show you!” Jester starts back the way she came, Yasha following her. Fjord stands for a minute, dazed, before trailing behind them.

They walk up to the group, and as soon as Fjord gets within twenty feet, he can tell that Beau and Veth are examining the biggest, shiniest diamond he has ever seen. Caleb is seated at the body’s feet rifling through his spellbooks, Frumpkin perched on his shoulder. Vilya is seated a few feet away, watching them work.

Jester goes over the Veth and Beau, leaning them to stare at the diamond, “Is it enough?”

Beau nods, “It should be.”   
“Okay!” Jester looks back over at the body, her smile dulling a bit. In a softer voice, she says, “I need to draw the sigil, so we might have to move him again. Um, do you want to do it, or… “ She looks up at Fjord, gnawing on her lip.

Fjord forces himself to look at the body, the bloody, matted fur and the torn clothing. At Caduceus. He clenches his jaw, “Okay.” If there was even a tiny chance that he would be able to see those eerily perceptive eyes open again, Fjord would take it.

Jester reaches out and squeezes his hand before turning away and sitting down a few feet to the right of the body, beginning to draw in the sand.

He looks back over the Beau and Veth, now joined by Yasha. They were all watching Jester with a cautious hope in their eyes. To Fjord’s right, Caleb gave him a few awkward pats on the back, before going to sit with the girls.

Fjord watches as Jester carves spirals and lines into the sand with her finger, stopping every once in a while to crawl over a foot or so and begin to draw again. After a few minutes, a beautiful, intricate symbol begins to take shape on the beach. It’s circular, about five feet wide, with a large triangle in the center. Lines protrude from the triangle, crossing over each other and intersecting, swirling out and around the circle. It’s almost hypnotizing, watching the sigil form.

After about ten minutes of meticulous carving, Jester sits back and takes in her work, a proud look on her face. She looks over towards the group, “Well? Come on!”

Everyone starts, broken out of their trance, beginning to move towards Jester. Fjord stops beside the body, wiping fruitlessly at the wetness that has begun rolling down his cheeks. He thinks he’s cried more in the last half hour than he ever has in his entire life. Fjord kneels down beside it, hooking one arm underneath its back, the other below its knees. He picks it up gently, like it might shatter at any sudden movement, the soft cloth of its shirt brushing the skin of his forearm.

He stands, the limp, lanky limbs of the body make it slightly awkward to move, but Fjord is past the point of caring. He walks toward the sigil, kneeling again and setting the body down on top of it. It looks wrong. The arms and legs are splayed out, dropped in the position they fell into when Fjord put down the body. Its hair is limp and wet, beginning to crust with sand and salt. Fjord hates it. He looks away, sitting down a few feet back.

Jester begins to crawl over to the top of the sigil, but pauses, stopping halfway there, “Do you think Caduceus would be mad if we used some of his incense for the ritual?”

Caleb gave a small smile, “I don’t believe so, nein.”

Jester nods, chewing her lip, and removes a stick of incense from the body’s pocket. She moves the rest of the way up, sitting just above its head. Sticking the incense in the sand, she lit it. Fjord swallows hard, the scent of eucalyptus wrapping a cord around his throat. Jester looks up at the rest of the group.

“Um, okay, I’ve never done one of these before,” Jester wrings her hands, “I think we have to do, like, offerings or something? Three of us.”

“What kind of offerings?” Beau is sitting to the side of the sigil, her legs crossed. It does not remind Fjord of how Caduceus sat when he Communed.

“Like, you could draw something? Or sing, or dance, or just talk. Give him something you think he’d like.”

Beau nods, propping her chin up on her hand.

“Okay, is everyone ready?” They all nod. Fjord does too, looking out at the ocean.  _ Give him something you think he’d like _ .

***

Yasha ends up going first. She pulls out her bone harp, sitting beside Beau.

“Um, Jester said that we should do something you liked. I, uh. You always seemed to like it when we would all play our instruments together,” she laughed softly, “It was probably more the, the togetherness that appealed to you rather than the actual music, I think. But anyway.”

Yasha began to play. A slow, soft melody, that picks up in the middle, but ends the same way it began. The last chord rings out in the air and Yasha takes a deep breath, setting the harp aside.

A few seconds after the music stops, there is a collective gasp. Fjord’s head snaps to the side.

Part of the sigil is shining a deep, verdant green.

Fjord’s eyes widen, and he immediately drags his arm across his face, wiping his tears. He looks at the sigil, and up at Jester, who catches his eye and smiles, “I think that means it worked! Who wants to go next?”

The decision is made faster this time; their confidence raised by the success of the first offering. Caleb steps forward, clutching something in his hand. He kneels down beside the body, “I know this… won’t do much for you now. But I think you should have it,” he places the Periapt of Wound Closure on top of the body’s armour, smiling sadly, “It’s funny, you know? You give this thing up and then the next day you’re…” Caleb trails off, looking down at the sand. There is a tense moment of silence, and nothing happens. Nobody dares speak or move, watching and waiting tensely for something,  _ anything _ , to happen.

When nothing does, Caleb gets back up, whispers an apology, and goes to sit beside Veth.

Fjord pulls his knees up to his chest, staring out into the ocean. Eventually, Jester speaks up.

“We need one more offering.”

Fjord looks back at her, her eyes are teary and she’s beginning to braid one of her ribbons into the body’s hair, carefully dividing the sections of pink, combing through it with gentle hands.

He looks over as Beau begins to move forward, and takes a deep breath.

“No.”

Beau looks at him, confusion transforming into sympathy. She stops and gestures at the body, sitting back down and leaning against Yasha’s leg.

Fjord stands up, walking over to the body, to  _ Caduceus _ , and kneels down beside him, taking his hand. He doesn’t bother wiping away his tears, looking down at the face of the cleric who had saved him more times than he would ever be able to count. Hopefully Fjord could return the favour.

Still holding Caduceus’ hand, Fjord begins to talk.

“When-” Fjord stopped, swallowing a sob, “When I was a child, in the orphanage, I was given the name Stone. I hated it because… Stones were expendable. Regular. Common. You could find one on any shitty street and then throw it away. I think I hated it all the more because- because that was, and still sometimes is, how I feel about myself. But you showed up and you told me I was special, I had a destiny, I was more than the pact I had made. You made me feel… worthy.” Fjord inhaled, blinking the tears out of his eyes before continuing, “It’s like I said back when we stayed with the Dusts. You inspire me. You’ve helped me become who I am today. And I… would very much like to return the favour.” Leaning down, he cupped Caduceus’ cheek, touching his forehead to Caduceus’, and closed his eyes, “I’m so sorry. Please give me a chance to make this better. Please. Or I swear to Melora I will yell at every plant I come across for the rest of my life.” 

He raised his head slightly, pressing a kiss to Caduceus’ cooling forehead. He can taste the salt of his tears in the firbolg’s fur, and smoothes out the area that he had mussed before he scoots back, still holding Caduceus’ hand.

Everything is silent. The only sounds are the jungle behind them and the distant geyser. Fjord holds his breath.

Then the rest of the sigil lights up.

Fjord grips Caduceus’ hand. Everyone watches as Jester takes the diamond from the sand beside her, placing it on Caduceus’ abdomen over his wound. She takes a deep breath, and presses down. The diamond begins to glow, getting brighter and brighter until it’s near blinding.

Then the light begins to die down, getting dimmer and dimmer. The diamond crumbles into ash under Jester’s hands, scattering in the wind.

“No,” she whispers, trying to grab the dust as it blew away. Fjord pulls Caduceus’ hand to his chest, clutching it like it was the only thing tethering him to reality. This was not happening. The ritual worked and Caduceus would wake up any second now. He’d wake up and tell Fjord he forgives him.

Caduceus doesn’t move. 

A billowing green cloak materialises behind Jester, wild red hair shifting in the slight wind. The Traveller reaches a hand out, viper-quick, and catches the ash as it flies away. His hand closes around it, and when he leans down and opens it, there is a diamond in his palm. Jester takes it, wide-eyed, and the Traveller wipes a tear from her cheek, grinning.

“I promised, didn’t I?” He turns, vanishing with the next wind gust.

Jester stares at the gem in her hand. Fjord reaches out to her with one hand, gripping her shoulder and giving her a tired smile, which Jester returns. She places her hands back over Caduceus’ stomach, closing her eyes and pushing down sharply. This time, the diamond does not glow. It does not shatter. The wind around them picks up, whipping their hair around. Jester opens her eyes, and they glow bright green. Caduceus’ body begins to glow the same colour, surrounded by a verdant aura. Jester removes her hands from the wound, plucking a vial of holy water from her bag and pouring it over Caduceus’s abdomen. Fjord looks on as the stab wound begins to knit closed, small green vines sprouting from the broken skin and knitting Caduceus back together.

As Jester finishes the incantation, the aura that surrounds Caduceus begins to brighten and his body begins hovering above the ground, as if being pulled by an invisible string. Fjord doesn’t let go of his hand. 

Eventually, the glow dies down, Jester blinks and her eyes are returned to normal. Caduceus falls the few feet back to the ground. Fjord watches with bated breath as he coughs once, twice and then turns onto his side and spits a mouthful of blood and water onto the sand.

Fjord leans forward so quickly he nearly falls over, brushing Caduceus’ hair from his face and apologising over and over. Caduceus sits up, wincing and taking in his surroundings. When his eyes find Fjord he smiles, “It’s alright, you don’t have to apologize.” Caduceus reaches out, dragging his thumb under Fjord’s eye, probably streaking more blood and salt onto his face rather than getting rid of it, but Fjord can’t bring himself to care. He grabs Caduceus around the middle and pulls him into his lap, burying his face in Caduceus’ neck.

Caduceus laughs softly, and hugs Fjord back, patting his shoulder.

Beau strides over, standing beside Fjord with her hands on her hips, “Alright, stop hogging the cleric!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so how did i do? please comment and/or leave kudos. you can also yell at me on tumblr @o-kayboomer. thanks for reading!
> 
> i also could do a third chapter of just post resurrection fluff if y'all are into that. let me know it the comments!


	3. you took my soul wiped it clean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fjord and cad talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here it is!! 1k words of fluff (and mild angst also).

Fjord squeezes his eyes shut, taking a deep breath, before letting Caduceus go. The cleric turns to face the rest of the Nein, still half in Fjord’s lap and smiling that same easy smile that for a few minutes Fjord thought he’d never see again.

Jester comes barrelling towards them, smacking into them with an  _ oof _ , and wrapping them both in a warm, strong hug.

“Holy  _ shit,  _ Caduceus!” Jester was valiantly talking through the tears streaming down her cheeks, “I thought you were  _ dead _ .”

“Well,” Caduceus pauses, furrowing his brow, “I was. But now I’m back.” He rests his chin on Jester’s head, blinking slowly. Beau, still standing next to them, crouched down in front of Fjord, a knowing glint in her eye.

“Welcome back, Caddy!” She gives Caduceus a rough pat on the back before winking at Fjord (not very subtly), and standing back up to leave. Fjord sighs. Caduceus had  _ just  _ been brought back from the  _ dead  _ and Beau is already trying to wingman him. Not that he needs any wingmanning. Fjord is  _ quite  _ comfortable in his flirting game, thank you very much.

He feels a sharp poke in his shoulder and looks up to see Veth looking at him.

“Jeez, what did the sand ever do to you?”

“I- what? The sand?”

“You’re staring at the beach like it killed your whole family,” Veth raises an eyebrow, “Ever heard the saying?”

Fjord was getting more confused by the second, “No? That seems like an awfully morbid saying if it is one.”

Veth waved him off, “Nah, it’s a halfling thing.” She left, going to stand beside Caleb, who was currently looking down at Caduceus, saying something about being glad to have him back.

Fjord agrees.

Eventually the Nein finishes hugging and welcoming Caduceus back, and they leave to go set up the dome somewhere closer to the tree line. Fjord and Caduceus stay on the beach, sitting beside each other watching the waves crash against the shore.

If he hadn’t already cried as much as was physically possible for him to cry today, Fjord suspects his eyes may still be a little misty.

He turns his head to look at Caduceus, eyes darting from his serene face to his abdomen, still crushed with salt and blood.

“How can you still have so much faith in me?”

Caduceus’ eyes open a sliver, “Hm?”

“I just,” Fjord makes a vague gesture with his hand, “I  _ killed  _ you Caduceus. Two hours ago I killed you, and you’re still here, acting like nothing happened. It’s…” Fjord trails off, guilt coiling like a snake in his stomach and unsure of what to say.

“Fjord,” Caduceus’ eyes are fully open now, and he gazes at Fjord with what he hopes is not pity, “You didn’t kill me. Vokodo did. You just happened to be the one he controlled to do it. Why would I blame you for that?” 

“I  _ killed  _ you- you- I could have…”

Caduceus takes Fjord’s hand, squeezing it before looking back out to the sea, “What could you have done? He controlled you.”

“I could have  _ resisted  _ it.”

“And I could have resisted being hypnotized to go into Vokodo’s lair in the first place. But I didn’t. And you didn’t. But we’re both still here.”

“You  _ died _ , Caduceus,” Fjord’s voice cracks, and he swallows the lump in his throat. 

“People die,” Caduceus says simply, “It’s a part of life. Some come back, some don’t. Sometimes the best we can do is to honour the memories we’ve been left.”

Fjord doesn’t want to think about Caduceus not coming back, he’s done enough of that today.

“If you ever pull a fucking stunt like that again, and Jester can’t bring you back,  _ I’ll  _ bring you back just so I can yell at you.”

Caduceus smiles, glancing over and giving Fjord’s hand another squeeze before letting go.

“I don’t think I ever apologized for what happened in the tunnel.”

Fjord tilts his head, “You don’t have to. Like you said, you were being controlled.”

“I blinded you. I endangered the group.” And Caduceus looks so earnest and apologetic and Fjord cannot physically deal with it.

“I  _ stabbed  _ you, Caduceus!” Fjord yells, standing up abruptly. Caduceus’ eyes widen, and he flinches back slightly. “I  _ stabbed you _ .” Fjord repeats, covering his face. Apparently he did have more tears in him.

“Fjord…” Caduceus reaches up, taking his hand and tugging him back down to sit beside him. This time he does not let go.

“I stabbed you,” Fjord repeats the words over and over until they are nothing but a whisper. Caduceus begins to stroke his palm, tracing calming circles into Fjord’s skin. Eventually Fjord’s breathing evens out and he looks back at Caduceus.

Caduceus looks back, his eyes tired, “I forgive you, Fjord.”

“I’m sorry.”

Caduceus pauses, “Thank you.”

“May I-” Fjord hesitates, “May I touch it?”

Caduceus nods, and adjusts himself to face Fjord. Fjord reaches his hand out slowly. His hand ghosts over the wound and Caduceus lets out a hiss of pain. Fjord retracts his hand quickly, as if it had been burned.

“Sorry, it’s just a bit sore.”

Fjord nods, scared to even get close to the scar again. Caduceus touches his shoulder.

“Hey, you did good in the fight today.”  _ No _ , Fjord wants to argue,  _ no I didn’t.  _ He nods instead, and Caduceus looks back to the water.

His hair looks pinker in the setting sun, Fjord notices. He doesn’t often get to see Caduceus in this light. Not without Beau coming up behind him and jabbing him, or Jester or Veth asking some weirdly personal question, or Caleb looking at him in that unnerving way he does.

The yellow light makes his purple eyes appear to contain tiny galaxies. His brow is slightly furrowed, and Fjord wants to smooth out every worry line in his face.

“Do you need something, Mr, Fjord?”

Fjord starts, snapping back to reality to see Caduceus peering at him curiously. His face heats, and he looks down at his feet.

“Uh, nope. No. I’m good.”

He does have one question, though.

“Caduceus?”

“Hm?”

Fjord coughs into his hand, “Could you, uh, hear what we said during the ritual?”

Caduceus pauses, tilting his head a bit. 

“I heard music.”

Fjord’s heart sinks.

“There had to have been something in the middle. There’s three offerings. I don’t remember that one,” Fjord swears Caduceus blushes a bit, “I heard yours, as well.”

Oh.

_ Oh. _

“Caduceus?”

“Yeah?”

“May I kiss you?”  _ Please say yes. _

Caduceus takes Fjord’s other hand, “I think I would like that very much.”

Fjord leans in, touching his lips to Caduceus’, feather-soft. He pulls back, looking at Caduceus, whose eyes are at half-mast, grinning at Fjord. Fjord grins back, and leans in again.

Caduceus meets him halfway, and their mouths meet once more. Fjord is careful, trying not to hurt Caduceus with his growing tusks, but after a little while, it becomes clear that Caduceus doesn’t really care. 

Fjord loses track of time after a bit, but when they finally stop, the sun has sunk below the horizon. He pulls back from Caduceus, who whines a bit at the loss, but opens his eyes.

Fjord smiles softly, cupping Caduceus’ head, who leans in, closing his eyes again. He touches their foreheads together, revelling in the warmth.

“We should go back to the rest of the group soon,” Fjord whispers. Caduceus hums, but makes no move to get up.

They stay on the beach, sitting and listening to the distant jungle. When Fjord reaches for Caduceus to find his hand has gone limp, he turns quickly, mind immediately jumping to the worst case scenario.

Caduceus lies on the beach, snoring softly. Fjord lets out a relieved laugh, and smooths some hair out of Caduceus’ face.

Careful not to wake the cleric, he tucks an arm under his neck and legs, pulling him up to his chest and standing. Caduceus nuzzles into Fjord’s armour, and he kisses his forehead.

Fjord begins walking back to the Nein. He knows that there will be questions in the morning. Probably a friendly punch in the arm from Beau, which will hurt much more than any friendly punch has the right to.

But right now, Fjord walks down the beach with Caduceus. 

Caduceus is alive, and Fjord is happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed!!! please dont forget to like, comment, and perscribe.  
> i will be back with more teahaw content soon (no hints except that caduceus is leonardo dicaprio) take that as you will.  
> also!! day after tomorrow boys im hyped (probably for nothing but let me have this) i appreciate you all so much :)

**Author's Note:**

> please comment and/or leave kudos :) next chapter will be up sometime tomorrow.  
> feel free to yell at me in the comments or on my tumblr (o-kayboomer)


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